We all want big things - big dreams, big impacts, big plans. I look around me and see very little. I see days, not years. I see steps of faith, not legacies. I see hearts softening, not already soft.
When did I forget that God shows us his plan? In the going ons around us. Slowly the intricate plan unfolds. The most important thing in life, God's plan, unfurls slowly. Why would the pieces of such a plan appear in any other fashion? And if that's true, if we can not see the big picture, if our minds were not made to see that, why should we focus on it?
Again I see my soul laid bare before God. Pride. Pride that I wanted to be God so I could see the big plan. Instead of delighting in the greatest blessing of understanding the moment, something God wants to give me, I strive to have more. When will I relinquish all of my desires and allow Him to fill the greater desires. The ones that run deep. The ones that I was made for, and made with. Not what sin brought about.
I listen to the strains of the music, and see the moments ticking away. Yes, revel in those moments and allow Him to nurture my spirit with the things of the moment. Moments of grace.
Never to quit yearning for heaven. But yearning for what God has for me here on earth? How can I yearn for what I already have? But I do. I ask God what he will do with my life. He gives me more moments. As I draw in breath I remember. Anything that He will give me in life is in the moments, and he's giving me moments right now. Blessings all around me? Yes.
The bouquet of flowers on the table, they remind me. Yes, smell the flowers. And remember the moments. Another reminder of the precious moments he's given me.
Listening to the music, I enjoy the moments. The chords hit a note in my heart. Those moments continue, and I begin to hear a melody. The dynamics tell a story, and as the piece closes the story ends. Bitter sweet. What if life is just like that? It's made of moments, and you must enjoy the blessings of those moments. If you don't, the melody of life will not move you - lifeless and boring. The changes, the ups and downs...they all create the story. Without the downs would I know what up was? And the end...life cannot be replayed like music can.
I still dream. I listen to his spirit reveal the next moment. He delights with me, and a smile graces both our lips. I tell him the dreams in my heart, I open my hands, he holds my dreams for me. I remember that dreams happen in the moments, and I embrace these moments with him. I thank him for the moments that make years, that these make legacies.
I thank him that he can do big things with the moments. Because moments are all I can handle. His plans are to great for me to bare. One foot in front of the other. I learn to walk with him spiritually just as I learned to walk as a child. Again a moment of grace - he teaches me with things I understand. His gentle lessons refresh my soul.
He grows me, and teaches me. He gives me glimpses of his plans and that's enough.
I pray for wisdom, for insight. I pray for the future - that I will be prepared and that my heart will be ready for teaching. He'll let me know just enough. He won't let me fall. I take the next step. The most important step of all. The letting go.
Then I allow his peace to surround me. I rest in his love knowing he is faithful.