There's a part of me that is bored with the idea of a relationship with God. I think that's ok - He knows that I have emotions that fill me. But I'm searching for the answers to why I'm this way, and how to change that.
He wants me to chase after him, to desire to know him. The romantic heart inside of me desires to be sought, to have him want to get to know me. The fact that he's always known me, even better than I know myself, can be a comfort. But I'm tired of comfort.
I look at the relations of men and women, and how as they court each other they are constantly in the mind of getting to know one another. There's a delight in learning. There's a joy in each others uniqueness. There's mystery which brings them back together to learn more.
I want to have that type of relationship. That is a true relationship. One in which there's a joy of being near to learn what makes the other person smile. A deep interest in finding what makes the other person take life head on.
We need to transfer these ideas to Christ. Do I talk to him of what I'm feeling? Do I tell him what interests me? Do I ask him what he cares about, what he's passionate about? The Bible is full of descriptive words telling us about God. It speaks of him feeling joy, taking delight in us, feeling jealous over us, rejoicing over us. Tell me that God doesn't want us to have that kind of relationship with him. This is a God who delights in us...how does he delight and what causes him to feel delight? Does he smile when we laugh, when we lift a child gently into our arms, when we sing and dance. Does none of this affect him? How about when we cry, when we morn? What of when we feel anger? God knows these things, and they don't scare him away. It's ok to allow yourself to feel emotions deeply, that's exactly what God is like. When we allow ourselves to feel we are getting glimpses of how God feels.
We cling to the word of God, we call out to him, we study our emotions - but we don't suppress our emotions in order to keep ourselves from sinning. We allow ourselves the freedom of GRACE, and allow it to wash over us and all around us, and we extend it. Then we live Freely. It's not about being perfect, it's not about having no sin. It's about living in a relationship with God that allows him to become part of us; it's about allowing him to come close enough so that we can hear his heart beat.
There's a joy when you know something about someone, but they come forward to tell you. I know God knows every little thing about us, but does it give him joy when we seek him out to tell him?
I want to live a life of freedom in God's grace. He extends it, not in part but in whole. Why do we hesitate to receive it? When we suppress ourselves, not being everything that God created us to be, when we fear what's inside of us, we don't live in grace. We live in legalism.
Legalism is painful, and I've seen first hand what it can do to the Body of Christ. It destroys and pulls apart. But grace heals and mends. And when we live freely like that, there's no bounds in which God must use us - when we live this way he gives us more than our dreams can even encompass.
Don't hold back. Live in freedom and grace, and see where God takes you and what he does inside of you.