Our hearts are fragile, and they're searching for something, but what? What are we so desperate for? I walk through the mall and I see all these people and they all search for the same thing. Unknowingly they drag unsuspecting young people along with them into this death trap. This thing we search for? What is it?
We see it in the magazines that show celebrities and how they keep falling apart. I see it in the love stories we watch at the movies. I see it in the climb for power in the workplace. I see it when I look in the mirror.
This grasping, is it not meaning and value we search for? We think that wealth, schooling, makeup, relationships, and statuses will make us feel like we are worth something. We all want to be something special.
Don't be fooled. There is not one among us who does not hunger after being valued. And that, that is a good thing.
I see the unshed tears in her eyes as she views herself in the mirror. I see the frustration as she tries to loose those pesky pounds. I see the failure she feels when she sees her grades. I see the desperation clawing her heart as she holds onto hoped for love.
I see myself. Sometimes it's not the literal, sometimes it's in the heart that these things happen. The ugliness of the heart that you see through the mirror of scripture. The weight of sin that starving those sins isn't making them go away. The grades we give ourselves when we must measure up to some ideal. The love we are so sure we can't have from Christ.
This desperation, this need for meaning. This meaningless world grates on our hearts meant for eternity and perfect love. That's why we aren't satisfied. We will never find ourselves with perfect value and meaning and love in this world.
Let that sink in...
You will never grasp complete love while you're on this earth.
Wait, but what of experiencing God's love? What of salvation? That is the road to learning of this love, but does not Paul even say that God will bring his salvation to completion on that day? God's love is something that we will not fully encounter until we are made like him. We can be overwhelmed by it, we can revel in that love and feel our value. But dear woman, sister, our hearts can not hold all the love God can give. Not until He makes us perfect.
And that is when we come face to face with JOY!
Let God's love rush over you, and realize that there is absolutely no end to experiencing more. There will always be more of God to fill you to overflowing. And because there is more, we will continue to search. And does the fact that we continue to search show us that we have this need for value, to be complete?
I'm a glad that I have a hole that I can not fill. I am praising God that I have this insecurity. This need for more. Because when he draws me near, and my search continues in him? That is when I get to know my savior's heart. That's when I get to be filled through and through. And the adventures are waiting for us, these adventures to jump in, to feel unsure, to allow that hole to open wide. That's when God starts pouring in.
When you know where to look, insecurities become a blessing in disguise. They become the catalyst to searching and knowing the heart of our Lord. Fears will creep in, questions will arise. But we cling to our light, and soon we see the one step in front of us. Taking that step, God will always shine a light on the next one. And that step will always lead us closer to God.
Like the proverbs woman, I laugh at tomorrow. I know that these insecurities are only lies. They are only the lies the devil tells me...the ones he hopes will make me distrust my God. But, I have the choice to make. And I make it boldly and step out.
The last step into God's love held firm, and I know the next one will too.
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