I can hear the fridge humming away, the computer making little noises. My unwashed bowl sits here, and in my mind I try to make it disappear. If only that worked on dishes, among other things. But, they don't, and in some ways I'm glad that I can't make my messes disappear.
Living life surrendered. Well, it's a beautiful thought. And one that many people say can't be done. At times, I have to admit that I kind of agree. When have I really surrendered? And actually lived that way for an extended period of time? The idea seems laughable. Sometimes, a lot of times, I feel that God has to lift my face - to lift my eyes up to his. And when I actually lift up my eyes without fear, the eyes of grace that meet mine - they tell me that I am made worthy.
"The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down." Psalm 145:14 ESV. The LORD, my Yahweh. The one of power and love. YAHWEH of the old testament, and of the new. The creator of my very soul and heart. He is the one who catches me as I fail, and raises me.
A precious little girl in my life, only two years old, has this concept down. She lifts up her little hands to me, completely trusting, relaxing in my embrace.
If only we could look to God with those eyes of trust, relaxing into the grace. Oh to have childlike faith!!!
"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor. "For
the foundations of the earth are the LORD's; on them he has set the
world."
Do you realize dear one? Do you understand dear heart of mine? The Lord picks us up, those who come to him in our brokenness, and he puts us in places of honor. The foundations of the earth, the very things he has set in place, on those he has set the world. And even though our world has it wrong so much of the time, honor does not belong to those who have it right all of the time. But to the humble and broken who come in humility - those are the ones who truly have it right.
And a laugh raises up in my throat and I look around. This mess...I certainly don't have it right. The confusion in my heart and mind, no there is no order and correctness here. But our God, he loves this. He loves me in my mess. And His beautiful grace abounds all the more.
I picture his grace all around me, tangible in this mess. The grace of a dirty dish and the food he has provided. The humming of the fridge is music to my ears. And it's not because of what I have. It's the very fact that it pleased God to give it to me. I am not grateful to have more than others. I am grateful because God presented me with a gift.
He sees my mess, he sees the way I can not contain all these gifts he has lavished. And He knows that I was made for eternity, so how can I truly understand how to live inside of time? He never meant for me to. And the fact that I am okay with that - okay that I can't do it on my own and lift up my hands for him to carry me through...that's what life surrendered looks like.
This is Life Surrendered, God? My eyes burn. He never asked too much of me - in fact all he asked was that I receive the gift of his son shown through all these gifts around me. And that in excepting these little gifts, I've in fact accepted his son. It's so simple, and so beautiful.
I have believed him, and in the moment I hold this dirty dish, this grace bowl, and accept it as gift, I have accepted his son.
And just as a small child is grateful for the smallest trinkets her father gives her, so I am thrilled with the gifts my Yahweh has placed in my hands. And through this lens of grace I see the smile spread across his face.
This is the Beautiful Surrender.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
A society without pain or a life with choices?
Dear reader, you may be aware that my goal for lent was to strip my life of the things that distract me in order to focus on this question : Is God really real? Seeing the movie God's Not Dead brought me face to face with this question. And so I ask again, and I search.
When I talk to an Atheist, main topics include the question 'If God is real and good, then why does he allow horrible things to happen? If he does, he has horrible moral standards!'
My friend, does he have horrible moral standards, or are we at odds with our desire for freedom of choice and relief from any type of hardship?
Let's consider this in depth. You may be familiar with a book called The Giver. You may be interested to know that they are coming out with a movie based on this story. In this make believe society, all inhabitants conform to a way of life that they agreed on long ago, and of which they submit their children. In an effort to be unaffected by any type of pain, they agreed to live in a world devoid of anything that could cause discomfort. This world they created had no weather changes, so they would never be too hot or too cold. They were given jobs to do, so that no one could be without purpose. Assigning each family a boy and girl child, no mother and father would feel the pain of having no children, and no child would be homeless. With the elderly and unwanted going to 'another city', they would never experience the pain of death.
Would you want to live in this society? Before you answer, you might like to know what this cost them. With no weather changes, there children would never build a snowman or play in the sun. With no choice in jobs, they could not dream and explore. Being given two children, these parents would never experience the joy of a unique family of their own flesh and blood. With the elderly gone, they would not grow old watching their grandchildren grow up. These fabricated livelihoods protected them from immediate threats that seemed life ending, but stripped them of the day to day joys of living life to the full.
Even though we see this scenario in books and in movies, and are appalled by what we see, we still blame God for not creating this seemingly perfect society for us. Why does a good God allow all these things to happen? Why doesn't he protect us from all these things that plague our world? Using the same logic, I must ask, if God indeed created this society for us, would we be calling foul for all the things we were missing out on? We will have to sacrifice these experiences if we want a life devoid of pain.
We are asking God to essentially take away the pain, but in some way leave the experience. That is like going on a water ride to cool off, but requiring that you don't get wet. Or wanting to build a sandcastle, but not get your hands dirty. Every experience is made up of lots of little pieces in a puzzle, and when you start taking these pieces away, you will never have the whole picture.
God allows these experiences because he intends to leave our free will intact. He will not create a society like the one in The Giver, because rather than forcing us to conform to a belief and lifestyle, he invites us to freely choose his love. And when we freely choose, and allow our hearts to truly experience the world he has given us, then we will truly embrace the experience of his love.
Now it's time for you to choose. Would you rather a society without pain or a life with choices and experiences?
When I talk to an Atheist, main topics include the question 'If God is real and good, then why does he allow horrible things to happen? If he does, he has horrible moral standards!'
My friend, does he have horrible moral standards, or are we at odds with our desire for freedom of choice and relief from any type of hardship?
Let's consider this in depth. You may be familiar with a book called The Giver. You may be interested to know that they are coming out with a movie based on this story. In this make believe society, all inhabitants conform to a way of life that they agreed on long ago, and of which they submit their children. In an effort to be unaffected by any type of pain, they agreed to live in a world devoid of anything that could cause discomfort. This world they created had no weather changes, so they would never be too hot or too cold. They were given jobs to do, so that no one could be without purpose. Assigning each family a boy and girl child, no mother and father would feel the pain of having no children, and no child would be homeless. With the elderly and unwanted going to 'another city', they would never experience the pain of death.
Would you want to live in this society? Before you answer, you might like to know what this cost them. With no weather changes, there children would never build a snowman or play in the sun. With no choice in jobs, they could not dream and explore. Being given two children, these parents would never experience the joy of a unique family of their own flesh and blood. With the elderly gone, they would not grow old watching their grandchildren grow up. These fabricated livelihoods protected them from immediate threats that seemed life ending, but stripped them of the day to day joys of living life to the full.
Even though we see this scenario in books and in movies, and are appalled by what we see, we still blame God for not creating this seemingly perfect society for us. Why does a good God allow all these things to happen? Why doesn't he protect us from all these things that plague our world? Using the same logic, I must ask, if God indeed created this society for us, would we be calling foul for all the things we were missing out on? We will have to sacrifice these experiences if we want a life devoid of pain.
We are asking God to essentially take away the pain, but in some way leave the experience. That is like going on a water ride to cool off, but requiring that you don't get wet. Or wanting to build a sandcastle, but not get your hands dirty. Every experience is made up of lots of little pieces in a puzzle, and when you start taking these pieces away, you will never have the whole picture.
God allows these experiences because he intends to leave our free will intact. He will not create a society like the one in The Giver, because rather than forcing us to conform to a belief and lifestyle, he invites us to freely choose his love. And when we freely choose, and allow our hearts to truly experience the world he has given us, then we will truly embrace the experience of his love.
Now it's time for you to choose. Would you rather a society without pain or a life with choices and experiences?
Saturday, March 29, 2014
The River - My Life
No two rivers ever look the same. Rivers run fast, they rush over stones and smooth them, they rush through turns and straiten them, and often they have a lot of rapids. The land around them is never the same - the same tree, or bush, or rise will never appear twice. But somehow, they all empty into the ocean, in a cascading of water.
Life is very much the same. Each person, just like a river, never will be like another one. We are all different. Life has troubles along our paths, and honestly they often seem to be boulders. Later, I'm sure, we'll see them as mere pebbles.
Fast balls seem to fly at us from all angles, throwing in twists we weren't expecting. I often find that these huge turns in the river always bring me back around so that I am no more than a degree off from where I was headed - just like a river that seems to have great big turns, but on inspection of a map, it seems to be going almost strait.
Turbulence, what is life without it? Rapids knock us out of the life boat, and sometimes you have to ride them to the end before you can get back in.
We have to experience moments as they come, just like the scenery along the river. No matter where I go in life, I will never catch that one moment again. Just like I will not see the same tree further down the river.
Just like the rivers, every human life has a different path - a different story to tell - but no matter what stones we have to smooth, or turns we have to maneuver, or rapids we have to ride, we are all heading towards our eternity. This eternity, just like the ocean, has no depth that can be found, or ending we can ever see. But it is certainly full of beautiful mysteries for us to explore.
It's so easy to obsess over times in our lives, or decisions we have to make. And often, I think we are so close that we see only the turn, instead of the entire picture. We have a beautifully painted map if we will only take a look. Scripture shows us how seeing the entire picture can change your view of an event. I want to see the picture God is painting of my story, not only treasure the moments along my path, but have the eyes to see His big picture too.
As water runs over my hands, I am reminded of this picture, reminded of the "river of my life". But then I smile, because I'm also reminded of something else. In God's masterpiece of my life, there is no drain, and no moments "go down the drain" and no efforts are worth nothing. Because all those moments that seem to be doing just that - going down the drain - they are simply moments in which my rocky character is being smoothed out. And so, I let this river run it's course, I hang on tight, enjoy the scenery, and remember that a renewal of hope is a map look away.
Life is very much the same. Each person, just like a river, never will be like another one. We are all different. Life has troubles along our paths, and honestly they often seem to be boulders. Later, I'm sure, we'll see them as mere pebbles.
Fast balls seem to fly at us from all angles, throwing in twists we weren't expecting. I often find that these huge turns in the river always bring me back around so that I am no more than a degree off from where I was headed - just like a river that seems to have great big turns, but on inspection of a map, it seems to be going almost strait.
Turbulence, what is life without it? Rapids knock us out of the life boat, and sometimes you have to ride them to the end before you can get back in.
We have to experience moments as they come, just like the scenery along the river. No matter where I go in life, I will never catch that one moment again. Just like I will not see the same tree further down the river.
Just like the rivers, every human life has a different path - a different story to tell - but no matter what stones we have to smooth, or turns we have to maneuver, or rapids we have to ride, we are all heading towards our eternity. This eternity, just like the ocean, has no depth that can be found, or ending we can ever see. But it is certainly full of beautiful mysteries for us to explore.
It's so easy to obsess over times in our lives, or decisions we have to make. And often, I think we are so close that we see only the turn, instead of the entire picture. We have a beautifully painted map if we will only take a look. Scripture shows us how seeing the entire picture can change your view of an event. I want to see the picture God is painting of my story, not only treasure the moments along my path, but have the eyes to see His big picture too.
As water runs over my hands, I am reminded of this picture, reminded of the "river of my life". But then I smile, because I'm also reminded of something else. In God's masterpiece of my life, there is no drain, and no moments "go down the drain" and no efforts are worth nothing. Because all those moments that seem to be doing just that - going down the drain - they are simply moments in which my rocky character is being smoothed out. And so, I let this river run it's course, I hang on tight, enjoy the scenery, and remember that a renewal of hope is a map look away.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Lent - a heart law
I fail. I utterly fail. I fail the people I love, I fail my job, I fail my home and my pets. Over and over I see it. I can not measure up.
The week before Lent, I sat in bed pondering what it was really all about. The more that I asked God, the more I began to understand. In order for God to get it through this thick scull of mine, He let me know what he wanted me to give up...then he lead me to the answer of why. It was pressed into my heart that for lent I should give up Facebook and novels.
Why God, why those? In that moment of asking why, I knew why. It was because I had to ask. I had to ask why I had to give those up for him. Didn't I love him even when I had those things. This is what I learned - the reason I gave up those things in particular.
My Facebook was my door into the lives of others, and their door into mine. I wanted to feel like I was apart of those big moments in their lives - even though I could not be there. And the farther I go into Lent the more I see - I was not willing to invest myself in those moments. I just wanted to say I was there without the work. The heart work of dedication. And my family? I was no better off with them because I was buried neck deep in "trying to sort of be there" rather that just....just being there.
And the books? Let me ask you this - do you want to read a book if you're not sure the author will give you some sort of satisfying ending? Even if it's bitter sweet, there must be an ending. And I love that last chapter of a book, where everything comes together. Oh, I've never read a chapter so slow as the last chapter. What our hearts need to learn, what mine must learn even haltingly, is that the story God is writing in our lives will have a glorious ending. I don't need a book for that beautiful ending, and I don't need to fear.
Oh that my heart could learn these lessons and learn them well. The beauty of Lent - it's in the ugly things. It's in the torn apart, the broken, the failings. In these things I see a need for a savior, and isn't that the point of Lent?
I thought that giving up the books and the Facebook would be easy, and at first it was. What a small law to keep. But God is pressing into my heart that this agreement I made with him was not about an item or a web page. It was about a heart matter, a point of view, a heart law. And my heart has broken this law that I agreed to.
And so I tell myself no. I will not allow myself to bury in and hide my head. I read his word and sharpen my sword. I invest and I live with as much hope as I can.
But still I fail and pick myself up over and over....over again. My family I have failed, I'm not good at this raw heart lesson God is teaching me. So I reach out again and try to hold onto Jesus in the waves instead of hanging onto the boat.
And I laugh and cry at the same time. I know that this - this undoing of the heart, this opening up - this truly is Lent, and though I've failed in Law, I have overcome through my salvation. I have experienced Lent to the full - failing until you see that you can not keep any law, that Christ must keep it for you. Humility and salvation - there is beauty in the broken here.
The week before Lent, I sat in bed pondering what it was really all about. The more that I asked God, the more I began to understand. In order for God to get it through this thick scull of mine, He let me know what he wanted me to give up...then he lead me to the answer of why. It was pressed into my heart that for lent I should give up Facebook and novels.
Why God, why those? In that moment of asking why, I knew why. It was because I had to ask. I had to ask why I had to give those up for him. Didn't I love him even when I had those things. This is what I learned - the reason I gave up those things in particular.
My Facebook was my door into the lives of others, and their door into mine. I wanted to feel like I was apart of those big moments in their lives - even though I could not be there. And the farther I go into Lent the more I see - I was not willing to invest myself in those moments. I just wanted to say I was there without the work. The heart work of dedication. And my family? I was no better off with them because I was buried neck deep in "trying to sort of be there" rather that just....just being there.
And the books? Let me ask you this - do you want to read a book if you're not sure the author will give you some sort of satisfying ending? Even if it's bitter sweet, there must be an ending. And I love that last chapter of a book, where everything comes together. Oh, I've never read a chapter so slow as the last chapter. What our hearts need to learn, what mine must learn even haltingly, is that the story God is writing in our lives will have a glorious ending. I don't need a book for that beautiful ending, and I don't need to fear.
Oh that my heart could learn these lessons and learn them well. The beauty of Lent - it's in the ugly things. It's in the torn apart, the broken, the failings. In these things I see a need for a savior, and isn't that the point of Lent?
I thought that giving up the books and the Facebook would be easy, and at first it was. What a small law to keep. But God is pressing into my heart that this agreement I made with him was not about an item or a web page. It was about a heart matter, a point of view, a heart law. And my heart has broken this law that I agreed to.
And so I tell myself no. I will not allow myself to bury in and hide my head. I read his word and sharpen my sword. I invest and I live with as much hope as I can.
But still I fail and pick myself up over and over....over again. My family I have failed, I'm not good at this raw heart lesson God is teaching me. So I reach out again and try to hold onto Jesus in the waves instead of hanging onto the boat.
And I laugh and cry at the same time. I know that this - this undoing of the heart, this opening up - this truly is Lent, and though I've failed in Law, I have overcome through my salvation. I have experienced Lent to the full - failing until you see that you can not keep any law, that Christ must keep it for you. Humility and salvation - there is beauty in the broken here.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
insecurites become blessings.
Our hearts are fragile, and they're searching for something, but what? What are we so desperate for? I walk through the mall and I see all these people and they all search for the same thing. Unknowingly they drag unsuspecting young people along with them into this death trap. This thing we search for? What is it?
We see it in the magazines that show celebrities and how they keep falling apart. I see it in the love stories we watch at the movies. I see it in the climb for power in the workplace. I see it when I look in the mirror.
This grasping, is it not meaning and value we search for? We think that wealth, schooling, makeup, relationships, and statuses will make us feel like we are worth something. We all want to be something special.
Don't be fooled. There is not one among us who does not hunger after being valued. And that, that is a good thing.
I see the unshed tears in her eyes as she views herself in the mirror. I see the frustration as she tries to loose those pesky pounds. I see the failure she feels when she sees her grades. I see the desperation clawing her heart as she holds onto hoped for love.
I see myself. Sometimes it's not the literal, sometimes it's in the heart that these things happen. The ugliness of the heart that you see through the mirror of scripture. The weight of sin that starving those sins isn't making them go away. The grades we give ourselves when we must measure up to some ideal. The love we are so sure we can't have from Christ.
This desperation, this need for meaning. This meaningless world grates on our hearts meant for eternity and perfect love. That's why we aren't satisfied. We will never find ourselves with perfect value and meaning and love in this world.
Let that sink in...
You will never grasp complete love while you're on this earth.
Wait, but what of experiencing God's love? What of salvation? That is the road to learning of this love, but does not Paul even say that God will bring his salvation to completion on that day? God's love is something that we will not fully encounter until we are made like him. We can be overwhelmed by it, we can revel in that love and feel our value. But dear woman, sister, our hearts can not hold all the love God can give. Not until He makes us perfect.
And that is when we come face to face with JOY!
Let God's love rush over you, and realize that there is absolutely no end to experiencing more. There will always be more of God to fill you to overflowing. And because there is more, we will continue to search. And does the fact that we continue to search show us that we have this need for value, to be complete?
I'm a glad that I have a hole that I can not fill. I am praising God that I have this insecurity. This need for more. Because when he draws me near, and my search continues in him? That is when I get to know my savior's heart. That's when I get to be filled through and through. And the adventures are waiting for us, these adventures to jump in, to feel unsure, to allow that hole to open wide. That's when God starts pouring in.
When you know where to look, insecurities become a blessing in disguise. They become the catalyst to searching and knowing the heart of our Lord. Fears will creep in, questions will arise. But we cling to our light, and soon we see the one step in front of us. Taking that step, God will always shine a light on the next one. And that step will always lead us closer to God.
Like the proverbs woman, I laugh at tomorrow. I know that these insecurities are only lies. They are only the lies the devil tells me...the ones he hopes will make me distrust my God. But, I have the choice to make. And I make it boldly and step out.
The last step into God's love held firm, and I know the next one will too.
We see it in the magazines that show celebrities and how they keep falling apart. I see it in the love stories we watch at the movies. I see it in the climb for power in the workplace. I see it when I look in the mirror.
This grasping, is it not meaning and value we search for? We think that wealth, schooling, makeup, relationships, and statuses will make us feel like we are worth something. We all want to be something special.
Don't be fooled. There is not one among us who does not hunger after being valued. And that, that is a good thing.
I see the unshed tears in her eyes as she views herself in the mirror. I see the frustration as she tries to loose those pesky pounds. I see the failure she feels when she sees her grades. I see the desperation clawing her heart as she holds onto hoped for love.
I see myself. Sometimes it's not the literal, sometimes it's in the heart that these things happen. The ugliness of the heart that you see through the mirror of scripture. The weight of sin that starving those sins isn't making them go away. The grades we give ourselves when we must measure up to some ideal. The love we are so sure we can't have from Christ.
This desperation, this need for meaning. This meaningless world grates on our hearts meant for eternity and perfect love. That's why we aren't satisfied. We will never find ourselves with perfect value and meaning and love in this world.
Let that sink in...
You will never grasp complete love while you're on this earth.
Wait, but what of experiencing God's love? What of salvation? That is the road to learning of this love, but does not Paul even say that God will bring his salvation to completion on that day? God's love is something that we will not fully encounter until we are made like him. We can be overwhelmed by it, we can revel in that love and feel our value. But dear woman, sister, our hearts can not hold all the love God can give. Not until He makes us perfect.
And that is when we come face to face with JOY!
Let God's love rush over you, and realize that there is absolutely no end to experiencing more. There will always be more of God to fill you to overflowing. And because there is more, we will continue to search. And does the fact that we continue to search show us that we have this need for value, to be complete?
I'm a glad that I have a hole that I can not fill. I am praising God that I have this insecurity. This need for more. Because when he draws me near, and my search continues in him? That is when I get to know my savior's heart. That's when I get to be filled through and through. And the adventures are waiting for us, these adventures to jump in, to feel unsure, to allow that hole to open wide. That's when God starts pouring in.
When you know where to look, insecurities become a blessing in disguise. They become the catalyst to searching and knowing the heart of our Lord. Fears will creep in, questions will arise. But we cling to our light, and soon we see the one step in front of us. Taking that step, God will always shine a light on the next one. And that step will always lead us closer to God.
Like the proverbs woman, I laugh at tomorrow. I know that these insecurities are only lies. They are only the lies the devil tells me...the ones he hopes will make me distrust my God. But, I have the choice to make. And I make it boldly and step out.
The last step into God's love held firm, and I know the next one will too.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Zephaniah - And the story of a Father and Child
Is God really real in MY life?
I
feel shut out of His presence, unnoticed and rebuffed. I do not feel
welcomed before God, nor do I feel desired or changed. My life feels
dead, as though I’m not living. My heart is cold as stone. I do not see
the hands of God working in me, and I do not have the strength to cry
out to him in my weakness. Will my voice not work, or does it refuse to
work? I am frozen in time, unable to move. There is no escape from this
blackness, I can not see. I am numb. I am cold. I am dead.
I
know that God is the only one who can change me. I know that no amount
of struggling is going to save me. My flailing arms grow weak, and I
know that I can not shake off these bonds. There is no escape. I can not
save myself. No amount of good deeds will change my ending. No amount
of effort will seal a good fate. There is nothing I can do. I give up my
will. I struggle and fail to live because this is not really life. This
is only the walking dead. I can not fake this slow dying. There is no
smile, no cheerful act that can change the way I feel. There is no
standing up straight, I will only be knocked down again. I can not
change the way I feel, nor do I want to have a superficial light on the
horizon.
I fall completely into the arms of Grace. I claim the promises of Love. I cling to Mercy.
I
read the verses, I memorize them, I cry them out, and I sing them. My
mind holds on to these words, my heart is gasping them out.
THE
LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great
delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over
you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
The
Lord - my Lord. I cling to these words...I remember his many names. El
Roy, oh God who sees me. I grab onto this hope that he does see me,
laying here covered in the mud. I hold onto the truth that God sees
through this grime and desolation. That there is something to see inside
of me…
I
cling to the hope that GOD IS WITH ME. That He really is the Jesus who
was born into humanity. Who knew our pain, who knew this hopeless life. I
cling to him because he was not born into the rich and the wealthy. He
was not born a King. He knows the hardship? Does he know this ruthless
life? And He really chose it?
He
delights in me. I look in the mirror, at all this grime. This dust,
this brokenness crumbling. And I see nothing to delight in. Nothing to
catch his eye, or make him smile. And I cry for the beauty that would
delight him. The heart of kindness, the white as snow purity. Somehow he
delights? He is not blind. He sees me as I truly am, do I?
He
quiets me with his amazing love...but only if I am willing to be
quieted. After seeing all that dirt and grime and how can God really
delight. Yet still, he comes close and calls me child. And his love
tells me that no matter who I am or what I’ve done, or what I never ever
accomplish...he will STILL love me. And I suddenly feel the peace that
seizes my heart when my mother or father wraps me up and tells me it’s
ok...What more love God must have since he sees every single thing in my
heart! His love stills my heart, and my heart runs water down my face.
And to know, this wet mess of tears and grime and sin, He rejoices
over me...I fall apart. I can not hold myself together. I’ve known this
mess from the start. He has joy when he looks upon this face of mine.
And I ask again - The one who delights in me, does he see the real me?
And I see something else? Is what I see a lie?
And
I close my eyes and see a child...a small blond girl in her Daddy’s
arms. I see joy written on her face, hands held to the sky, trust...the Kingdom belongs to such as these.
The daddy laughs and smiles, and I can see his face rejoice. Bliss.
Yes, the little girl will hurt, yes she will fall, but she looks up into the
face of a daddy who can wipe away those tears, and that mud, and he
picks her up. All trust, all love, all peace. Wonderful LOVE.
The love of Christ washes me clean...washes away the muck and dirt and lies that Satan has painted my heart with, and what I begin to see...I begin to see what God sees. That little girl, full of joy and trust, still lives in me.
Looking up into the face of the Father, He scoops me up, wipes away the tears and grime... and in His arms is peace... and in His eyes...Rejoicing and Delight.
The love of Christ washes me clean...washes away the muck and dirt and lies that Satan has painted my heart with, and what I begin to see...I begin to see what God sees. That little girl, full of joy and trust, still lives in me.
Looking up into the face of the Father, He scoops me up, wipes away the tears and grime... and in His arms is peace... and in His eyes...Rejoicing and Delight.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Second Chances and the wonder of Grace
Anger reared it's head as quiet gentleness bent it's head. Control was fleeting as infuriation blinded all love and compassion.
There are days when we lose control, and either we can't regain our composure, or we simply won't. This sinful nature, these ugly displays of emotion, they try to get a hold on me - to squeeze out His love and render useless this amazing freedom. My heart begins to boil, my hands clench. And worst of all, I despise it. I despise these hands, this heart, this world.
Soft and gentle, these words play. Hands to ears I try to shut it out, for I despise the gentle love. I count it worthless. But it coaxes me, and I can not resist. Blinded by my failure and fury, this unrestrained grace breaks down the walls and renders my anger useless. I am relieved.
I can not give grace when I can not receive it. I can not be full of love, when my heart does not know it. I can not be full of joy unless I know the joy giver. I can not give forgiveness, when I refuse to except it.
Everything I try to be, everything I try to give - without excepting it, embracing it, knowing it - I can not give it. If I try to keep giving these things, I will run empty. And all that is left is the anger and hatred and cruelty. These things are what I am apart from the One who gives all good things. Apart from Him, nothing is good.
Tears of release as I listen to song after song - these songs, they are love songs of my Savior. And I listen to each word, and I hear the heart of Love. And I'm reminded that I am a child of the One True King. And it stuns me silent I am told that the past does not matter - that it's forgiven. And I ask, is not one minute ago the past? Anything done or experienced...that is past.
I see my slate - the one that is wiped clean. And I see these clothes white as snow. Bewildered, my eyes fill again with tears. And the only one to see is God, and I leave my sunglasses in place as I cope with this new reality. This overwhelming grace. I know the anger and I know my failings. I know all the things I should have done differently. And I accept his yoke...
Matthew 11:29 "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
The sun warms my face as He warms my heart. The spirit has whispered to my heart, and it begins to heal.
I drive home, listening to song after song repeating the same messages. God is love and forgiveness. I am wanted and I am loved. And he is enough, no matter what I've done in my long ago past or in my moment ago failures.
At home I'm met by two wiggling dogs with open paws, gentle eyes, and loving hearts.
There are days when we lose control, and either we can't regain our composure, or we simply won't. This sinful nature, these ugly displays of emotion, they try to get a hold on me - to squeeze out His love and render useless this amazing freedom. My heart begins to boil, my hands clench. And worst of all, I despise it. I despise these hands, this heart, this world.
Soft and gentle, these words play. Hands to ears I try to shut it out, for I despise the gentle love. I count it worthless. But it coaxes me, and I can not resist. Blinded by my failure and fury, this unrestrained grace breaks down the walls and renders my anger useless. I am relieved.
I can not give grace when I can not receive it. I can not be full of love, when my heart does not know it. I can not be full of joy unless I know the joy giver. I can not give forgiveness, when I refuse to except it.
Everything I try to be, everything I try to give - without excepting it, embracing it, knowing it - I can not give it. If I try to keep giving these things, I will run empty. And all that is left is the anger and hatred and cruelty. These things are what I am apart from the One who gives all good things. Apart from Him, nothing is good.
Tears of release as I listen to song after song - these songs, they are love songs of my Savior. And I listen to each word, and I hear the heart of Love. And I'm reminded that I am a child of the One True King. And it stuns me silent I am told that the past does not matter - that it's forgiven. And I ask, is not one minute ago the past? Anything done or experienced...that is past.
I see my slate - the one that is wiped clean. And I see these clothes white as snow. Bewildered, my eyes fill again with tears. And the only one to see is God, and I leave my sunglasses in place as I cope with this new reality. This overwhelming grace. I know the anger and I know my failings. I know all the things I should have done differently. And I accept his yoke...
Matthew 11:29 "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
The sun warms my face as He warms my heart. The spirit has whispered to my heart, and it begins to heal.
I drive home, listening to song after song repeating the same messages. God is love and forgiveness. I am wanted and I am loved. And he is enough, no matter what I've done in my long ago past or in my moment ago failures.
At home I'm met by two wiggling dogs with open paws, gentle eyes, and loving hearts.
I shake my head in wonder as I write my 100th gift.
100. Second Chances
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