Be still - grace and love

Be still before the Lord - just be still. My heart rejoices at that. At the fact that all he requires is for me is to be still. Out of our love for him comes trust, and trust manifested in our lives is simply a still heart. I cling to that as I live and breath and face the troubles of a fallen human race - when facing our shattered hearts.

    I choose to be still. I choose to listen, to open my heart and my mind and allow God’s love to flow over me. I wait, and I feel a peace begin to wash over me. My heart is renewed.

    It’s so easy to be caught up in the mistakes of this world, to lose sight of the beauty of God and his divine hand gently carrying us along. It’s so easy to forget that God understands all of my own failings, as well as those of others. As I do what scripture tells us -  “Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced...” Psalm 105:5 - as I remember just as commanded I get new insight. I recall the judgements he pronounced - and realize they were grace. I realize that the loving Father led his children of Israel through miracles and blessings - even when they didn’t deserve it. And I take a breath and let this grace overwhelm. How much grace has he given me? How many mistakes did he cover over with his love and mercy?

    And I remember the greatest commandment - love. Just love. That’s all he asks, just love and all else will fall into place. I remember that this is what I’m really living for. It’s not justice. It’s love. And as I realize that everything else is miniscule in relation to this divine and wonderful calling to love and to give grace in abundance. It’s when you allow this love and grace to dwell in your spirit that you can see the problems in this life in the light that God sees them.

    The mistakes of others against you are the hardest to meet with grace. Harder still when the offender is unaware or unbending in their faults. This is the time to be still. This is the time to put Christ on the throne by loving him and loving that person. When I come face to face with my own mistakes - ones I’ve had in the past, ones I struggle with now, and ones I know I am unaware of - I am overwhelmed by this amazing grace. All that is left to do is simply to realize that others are on the same journey as you are, and they fall and stumble over the rocky path just like you do.

    I am an incredibly clumsy person at times. I’m always hitting my head, amazingly I don’t have tons of concussions, and continue to hope that one of these days I’ll knock in some sense instead of out. I trip and stumble. It’s a brilliant picture of life. I stumble and fall all the time. I’m honestly a bit of a mess. But I look up, and all I see is grace. And my heart stops racing, and I’m still.

    As I consider the pain, rejection, injustices, and cruelties we experience it makes me want to go out and fix it. To go out swinging and fighting for what I believe in. But those feelings only last until I remember the road we’re all on, the fight we’re all fighting, and the grace we’re all breathing. Looking up into the eyes of love and grace, the fight goes out of me and my desire changes. It becomes like his.

        Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11)    

When love rules you, when grace is all you see, when you truly understand how God picks you up each day - that is when you start seeing others mistakes and failings as them stumbling and all that is left is to reach out and help them back up.

    Loving others and giving them loads of grace - that is just a part of discovering true grace and love. And when your heart gets to experience that for just a moment - you are that much closer to feeling the love and grace of God. For just a moment - be still.

Tears and Power

My heart has been heavy. Another morning that I wish would not come. I crawl back into bed and close my eyes. I'm exhausted before I even start.

Life throws you around, sending you sumersaulting right into a brick wall. And sometimes you'd rather not get up. You'd rather lay there and cry. You'd really rather not "pull yourself up by your boot straps" and you certainly don't want someone else to either.

It's a strange feeling - wanting to remain defeated for a moment. Or perhaps what it really is, is a desire to stop striving to do what you've been told day in and day out.

Is it rebellion when you just throw your hands up and say no more? Or is it simply a sign that we were made to be in perfect rest with God and this life is just plain hard. Sin has a way of muddling our vision, and conscience has a way of broadsiding you with guilt.

The house is a mess. I'm a mess. But do I get up? I flail, but it does no good. Just like a sheep that get's stuck on its back. It fights... Then I look up.

Right into the eyes of peace.

No more striving. Giving up. And knowing that it's okay. I don't have to succeed to earn love. Not the kind of love that lasts. All I have to do is be still and let it flow through and around me. I just have to fall into him, because the shepherd knows how to pick me back up.

And I find, as long as I fall out, everything is okay. When my heart falls out, and I call out for help, heart laid bare. When I fall in, I can do nothing. When all I see is my aching heart, and I refuse to call out, I flail longer on my back and exhaust myself. Why don't I call out to the shepherd? Why don't I call out to his people?

My emotions laid bare, part of falling out into his hands is in the crying out. I cry, I yell at God and what's going on, but in the midst of it, I still pray to my sovereign shepherd.  Just like Naomi I cry out "because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty." Just like Naomi, life tosses me around and I ask what the Lord is doing, but my eyes still look into those of compassion, faithfulness and love.

Just like in his anguish David cried out to God "O LORD, I call to you come quickly to me. Hear my voice when I call to you....But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge - do not give me over to death...I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way....He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield in whom I take refuge..." (Psalm 141: 1,8;  142:1-3; 144:2)

Sometimes it's best to just fall apart so God can put you back together. I look at scriptures and am filled with joy because the man after God's own heart is one of the most expressive examples in the Bible. Here is a man who spills his heart out to God instead of controlling and masking his emotions.

After I cry, I dry my tears. I know his love. And his love fills me with more power than I could ever imagine because it's the same power that brought about the resurrection and I feel the resurrection in my own heart.

Hypocrite or Human?

How often do you find that someone can say something that you totally agree with, only to find yourself fighting against that very advice? Are we all hypocrites?

As a dog trainer, taking your own advice can be hard. I tell my students over and over how to train, how to interact with their dogs, how to handle situations. Then I go home. And I change. Is it that I'm only putting on a facade? Is it the same in other areas of my life?

I have to answer no. I truly agree with what I teach. However, putting it into action is one of the hardest things to do. My mind has been taught a different reaction than what I actually want to do. Do you find yourself wanting to be positive with your dog, because you know it really is your fault, yet you still act disappointed in your dog? If your dog doesn't behave well it's a 99% chance that it is your fault. So why get mad? But I still do.

I understand why people, who don't believe the way I do, call Christians hypocrites. I call myself one. I see it all the time in the body of Christ. But please here me out....Don't you do the same thing? If your an agility enthusiast, after agility runs you know that if there were mess ups it was your fault. Yet you find yourself less than enthusiastic with your dog. You give them a pat and a few treats and call it good. You know that's not right, but that's how you feel. I'm the same way! In more than agility. I know that judging someone is wrong. Yet I feel it well up in me. Just as I must make myself reward my Rusty boy, I have to make myself give others grace...even when I don't feel they deserve it.

Think about anything in life. You know what you should do, and you know what you want to do. Sometimes what you want to do wins, even though you feel bad about it later.

I am no different than you. I'm not an amazing saint. I simply allow grace to cover me, and beg God to help me win in the moment by moment battles.  God is what is different, not me. As I surrender, he gives me more of him and I find there's less of me. And when there's less of me, there's less heartache. There's less struggle. There's less guilt. It's not that I'm gone, only that I'm more like him, and when I'm like him, I'm like I was made to be.

Even if you aren't a dog person, I hope you understand. It doesn't matter what in life you struggle to do. Do you realize that you shouldn't be mad but still are? Do you struggle to get out of bed? To work in the house? So do I. It's the same thing. Living as a Christian doesn't mean you have "more important, Godly things" to do. It means you do the same chores, you endure the same grumpy customers, you struggle in the same world. However, you do it with someone by you who will never leave. You do it with someone who knows every struggle of your heart. You do it with someone who gives you the power to be who you were made to be.

I'm not a hypocrite. I'm simply human.

Legacies of moments

We all want big things - big dreams, big impacts, big plans. I look around me and see very little. I see days, not years. I see steps of faith, not legacies. I see hearts softening, not already soft.

When did I forget that God shows us his plan? In the going ons around us. Slowly the intricate plan unfolds. The most important thing in life, God's plan, unfurls slowly. Why would the pieces of such a plan appear in any other fashion? And if that's true, if we can not see the big picture, if our minds were not made to see that, why should we focus on it?

Again I see my soul laid bare before God. Pride. Pride that I wanted to be God so I could see the big plan. Instead of delighting in the greatest blessing of understanding the moment, something God wants to give me, I strive to have more. When will I relinquish all of my desires and allow Him to fill the greater desires. The ones that run deep. The ones that I was made for, and made with. Not what sin brought about.

I listen to the strains of the music, and see the moments ticking away. Yes, revel in those moments and allow Him to nurture my spirit with the things of the moment. Moments of grace.

Never to quit yearning for heaven. But yearning for what God has for me here on earth? How can I yearn for what I already have?  But I do. I ask God what he will do with my life. He gives me more moments. As I draw in breath I remember. Anything that He will give me in life is in the moments, and he's giving me moments right now. Blessings all around me? Yes.

The bouquet of flowers on the table, they remind me. Yes, smell the flowers. And remember the moments. Another reminder of the precious moments he's given me.

Listening to the music, I enjoy the moments. The chords hit a note in my heart. Those moments continue, and I begin to hear a melody. The dynamics tell a story, and as the piece closes the story ends. Bitter sweet. What if life is just like that? It's made of moments, and you must enjoy the blessings of those moments. If you don't, the melody of life will not move you - lifeless and boring. The changes, the ups and downs...they all create the story. Without the downs would I know what up was? And the end...life cannot be replayed like music can.

I still dream. I listen to his spirit reveal the next moment. He delights with me, and a smile graces both our lips. I tell him the dreams in my heart, I open my hands, he holds my dreams for me. I remember that dreams happen in the moments, and I embrace these moments with him. I thank him for the moments that make years, that these make legacies.

I thank him that he can do big things with the moments. Because moments are all I can handle. His plans are to great for me to bare. One foot in front of the other. I learn to walk with him spiritually just as I learned to walk as a child. Again a moment of grace - he teaches me with things I understand. His gentle lessons refresh my soul.

He grows me, and teaches me. He gives me glimpses of his plans and that's enough.

I pray for wisdom, for insight. I pray for the future - that I will be prepared and that my heart will be ready for teaching. He'll let me know just enough. He won't let me fall. I take the next step. The most important step of all. The letting go.

Then I allow his peace to surround me. I rest in his love knowing he is faithful. 

Good Friday

With tears in my eyes I prepare to celebrate the most important holiday - Easter. But before Easter is death - before Easter, Friday must happen. And it tears me apart...just like the body of my Savior.

When did we become apathetic  about the cross? When did I say in my heart that he did not care for me? As my eyes burn, I thank God for the reminder of his love. I thank him for the pain of Good Friday. I allow it to rush over me.

Going to work, cooking, cleaning. Anything to not really think on Good Friday. I stop and listen to the whisper of my God. Whispers to allow the pain overwhelm. To allow the pain to grip my heart. To cry.

Without pain where is the victory? Without the grave, where the resurrection? And without that, relationship?

I allow myself to relate. To feel the pain of rejection. To understand a Father and the pain he feels as his child decides yet again to sin.

I see through the eyes of Mary. I watch the hammer fall. I hear her cry, as she covers her face.

I see through his disciple. Watching his friend and teacher heave, knowing the betrayal and wanting to do it again. To do anything and everything. But it's too late.

I see through the eyes of Jesus. To feel the ardent love that he has. To see those he loves watching and wishing they understood. Not wishing...no much more. They must know. The rejection of the Father, the cry of a relationship torn. His heart rent more than his body.

The Father, turning away. Not in disgust.  No, in pain. In parallel with what the Son has done. The punishment must be paid to the full. Anguish. Never to be the same.

I see through my own eyes. I see a savior desperate for me to know his ardent love.

What now, what to make of it. Is it over and done, forgotten? No, this pain must not heal, not until I see his face and allow it to remind me instead of pain. I must not be apathetic to his love. To forget means to discount. I must hang onto the nails. I must remember the blood and the body. I thank him for communion. That he gave the simple like me something to see, to smell, to feel, to taste. Just like a loving father - giving his child something tangible to hold onto.

I hear the dog's nails on the floor...another reminder of his grace. These nails can be trimmed and shaped. They cause no pain because the clippers take them away. Just like the Lord taking away the nails for me. I sweep them up and take care of throwing them away. The dog does not understand. I thank the Lord that he has taken care of the nails in full...no sin holds us apart. Another moment of grace.

I accept the pain. I open my heart. I prepare to feel the joy of Mary, the disciples, Jesus, the Father....and like the pain, I prepare to share in the joy as well.

 

Breath of Grace

I allow the images from these last few days to play through my mind. The car broken down, the eyes of the patiently waiting yet sad dog, the clicking of the engine, the kind words of another. I sigh. What a week it's been...one of amazing grace.

A long day at work, much to do at home. His hand stops me. Whispers to be still reach my ears. I breath. There's my manager, grace in his eyes. He gently asks if he can help. My step is lighter.

My friends dog happily comes running. Bliss...not knowing about those pesky human struggles. Should I take her example? As she allows me to handle everything, trotting along with me, I see that God wants me to allow him the same care for me.

I except humility, and allow the grace of help to wash over me, instead of the pain of pride.

"My pleasure" my brother (in law) says as he comes to the rescue. No embarrassment. Only grace. I let out another thanks.

Grace is in the every day moments. Looking back  I see even more grace than when I was in the midst of it. Meditating on what he has done for me takes on new meaning.

Psalm 19:1 
 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Psalm 63:6

When I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night;

Remembering what he's done in the moments brings a smile to my lips. His presence grows stronger. And I breath. Breath in the grace and love that surrounds me.

Moments with God

A life with God is a life of adventure; of exploring the paths of life; a journey to be enjoyed, moments to be treasured.

It can be so difficult to keep God as the center. There's dishes to be done, rooms to clean, floors to vacuum. There's a whisper from our Creator. Sometimes we pause and listen, other times we move on oblivious that we've had Jesus, creator, come to talk to us. I sweep the kitchen. Then I notice the grains of sand. The dogs have been outside making a mess again. What grace that God can remind me of him in that mess - in the grains of sand that he has numbered.

I hear the dog snore, and again grace. Grace that God reminds me that each breath comes from him. How precious it is. The chimes make a song of their own, the breath of God the writer.

How can I see grace at some times, yet at others I am oblivious that the Creator is whispering of his love to me. Displaying it for me to see. Then I remember that the stories of those who inspire...those lives that we hope to attain...they lived each moment. They swept the floors, listened to the chimes.

They found God in the mundane.

In the simplicity of the moment we can see God. In the months and years, others can see what God did through the moments.

As the spray of water washes away the dirt, I allow Him to wash away the doubts as he washes me in his grace. He truly is the living water of life.

I take a deep breath, and allow myself to remain in His presence. For the moment, that's enough.